I wonder if "Two Scoops" will be back?

NBC is bringing back American Gladiators. I think that this is totally awesome. American Gladiators was one of my favorite shows in my youth. It came into popularity just as Hulkamania was becoming sort of cliche. For those of you that don't remember American Gladiators, it was a syndicated game show in the early 1990s in which amateur athletes competed against spandex-clad behemoths and she-males, with names like Laser and Nitro, in strength and agility contests (some of which involved giant q-tips). I think that a new generation is ready for American Gladiators.


I've mentioned before that professional sports should make steroids legal. One of the criticisms is that pro athletes on steroids would be bad role models for kids. I don't think this has to be the case. I think we could learn something about role models from American Gladiators. American Gladiators placed the steroid-free everyman in head-to-head competition with gigantic steroid freaks in athletic contests, and fans rooted for the competitors! The steroid users were the bad guys. To your average 12-year-old or idiot, steroids make you look like Gemini, not like Lance Armstrong. [In reality, there's a PED for basically every kind of athlete. But who says we can't embrace stereotypes for the good of the children?] So when fans of the show watched, they could ask themselves, "do I want to be more like Gladiator or competitor?" Since the Gladiators were all bulk, it was only a matter of time before a competitor came along and utterly destroyed the juiced-up Gladiators. And that competitor was Wesley Berry. Yes, big muscles couldn't hold down Wesley "Two-Scoops" Berry. Not by a long shot.
I have said before on this here rag that no other athlete has dominated his sport more than Michael Phelps, with only Tiger Woods and Roger Federer coming close. Well, I forgot about Two Scoops. Two Scoops, named for the inclusion of Kellogs Raisin Bran in his diet, came into gladiator stadium and basically leveled it to the ground. It wasn't too often that a competitor bested one of the gladiators, especially in games like "Break Through and Concur" or "Joust." When they did it seemed almost lucky. But Two Scoops would march right up to those meat-heads and throw them out of the ring (or off the pedestal or whatever the case may be). He owned the Gladiators. He was faster, stronger, more agile, and he could jump over a car (seriously). He was like the Wilt Chamberlain of obstacle courses and Nerf guns. He broke just about every record on the show (although his eliminator record is marked with controversy because he was first down the zip-line but took the inside track). On top of all this, he preached staying in school, not doing drugs, and giving anywhere from 120% to 1000%. Two Scoops, I salute you. It's too bad you're in jail now.

Update! I just found some clips on youtube of Two Scoops kicking ass. Here his is winning The Gauntlet on International Gladiators:



Here he is jumping over a car: